Recently, I found myself in a discussion with my fellow youth workers on a youth pastor site on facebook, and the discussion was about our wives, and how involved should they be in our ministry. Also, the question arose “if interviewing for a position, should the committee ask you about your wife and her thoughts about the ministry, and her role in the ministry?” This brought back a ton of feedback, and many church leaders were coming from different perspectives. I wanted to give you a few thoughts about how involved should your wife be in your ministry?
- God designed for her gifts to not be your gifts– Have you heard the cliche, “opposites attract?” This is true. My wife and I are different people with different abilities, strengths, weaknesses, and interest. This is such an important reason to make your ministry successful. There are things that come my way in our student ministry that my wife can implement her gifts in areas that I am a bit uncomfortable or not gifted in. She complements me, because her gifts are different from mine, and when both of us are using our gifts for the ministry, our ceiling and potential becomes higher.
- She can keep you accountable– We all see and hear about different scandals taking place involving student pastors and leaders with younger teenager girls. I feel that with my wife involved in my ministry, she can keep me accountable. We all need accountability! I do not care if you are a pastor or not, you need and should desire accountability. Your wife should be your number 1 accountability partner.
- Your wife can offer you a different perspective– I ask my wife about ministry, sermon series, games, etc. Her insight blows me away every time, because she brings about a different perspective on those things. She thinks and brings up questions that I would never ever think of, because we are made differently. Also, she understands where teenager girls are coming from. This is impossible for me to understand at all, and she gets it, and helps me as I address things to them.
- Your wife can address certain issues and counseling sessions that are difficult for you– This goes along with the accountability issue. If I need to counsel a girl, I always have my wife or another girl youth leader. Your wife is always best though to eliminate any accusations, etc. Sometimes, my wife can pull girls aside and discuss personal matters that I could not address by myself. Some things teenage girls do not want to tell me, but feel comfortable telling my wife or a girl youth leader.
- Your wife is your best friend– Ministry is a very lonely and difficult place to be sometimes. My wife has helped me so much in this area. When she is involved, she understands where I am at and who I am dealing with. She then can help console and listen to the problems that ministry brings.
- It brings an example for your students– You should be putting your wife on a pedestal. You should never demean her in front of your students. You should constantly be building her up and lifting her up. Students in our youth groups are coming from broken homes and families, and they are craving a Godly and Biblical example of what a right relationship should be according to the Bible.
- Never place your wife in a position where she is uncomfortable. If your wife does not want to teach, do not force it on her. Let her be her, and do not try to make her into this thought that we have about every pastor’s wife that they should play the piano and teach.
These are just a few thoughts on the issue. So, how involved should your wife be in your ministry? I think that it is totally up to you and your wife. You guys discuss it, and come to a place where you feel comfortable. In my ministry, we are accomplishing a lot more with my wife involved than if my wife were not involved. She is my help meet, and personally, when the church called me, they called us both. We are a package deal, and it works for us this way, and we understand that it does not for others. The Bible is not clear on exact expectations of how involved should your wife be so I think that it is debatable. It works for us though, and we love it. My wife is as in love with Jesus and His ministry as much as I am, and that means the world to me!
Thoughts welcomed, just leave a comment below: