Tag Archives: Relationships

12.04.12
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[Guest Post] 10 Keys to Improving Your Relational Ministry

Below is a helpful guest post from my friend, Terrace Crawford:

“One of the best investments you will ever make in youth ministry is the time spent on developing relationships with your students. I speak with youth workers all the time who get caught up in programming or administrative duties and have a hard time connecting with teens. My hope is that this post will help provide you with some practical ideas that will enable you to fight the paperwork and will empower you to lengthen your relational stride.

I want to share with you 10 ways you can improve your relational ministry:

1. Personal invite - We send out our fair share of mass mailings and texts but there is nothing like a personal invite. Take a moment before your next event and personally text your students. You might be surprised at the response you get.

2. Worship together - If you are not leading on-stage during your next worship service take the opportunity to sit with your students. You’ll never know how much worshiping with your teens will mean to them.

3. Host a group - I frequently have groups of teens in my home. I love to host bible studies or impromptu fellowship opportunities. Why not host a small group or invite a group of teens to your home (with appropriate adult-to-student ratio) and share life together.

4. Meet the parents - There doesn’t seem to be as many youth workers making home visits these days as there use to be, but arranging a visit to the home of your student will go a long way in building a relationship with both the parent & the student! You’ll learn a lot about the family dynamics too by showing up on their turf. (Note: give the parents a heads up that you plan to stop by. Most people don’t like surprise guests)

5. Visit them at work - You can show your support for teens on the job! Find out where students work (whether that be a fast-food restaurant, clothing retailer, or coffee shop) and when they work, and drop by for a quick visit.

6. Show Up Early & Stay Late - Arrive early or plan to stay late after your next event to spend some time to chit-chat with teens on-site. Making the most of this time to have intentional conversations with students will go a long way in growing your relationship with them.

7. Prayer - I love praying for my students and I take the opportunity very seriously. Offer to pray for your students and then make sure to follow-up later to see how God worked through prayer. The prayer investment will prove very meaningful to your relationship.

8. Social Media - Comment or reply on your student’s Facebook page, Twitter, or whatever social medium they use. You can learn a lot about a teen by what you read on their facebook, but take a few extra moments to make some comments on their wall (whenever appropriate).

9. Hobbies - Attend a sporting event, concert or do some other activity together with your teen. This opportunity will not only help you do something fun with the teens in your ministry but it will help improve your relationship with them.

10. Sharing - Take some time to share with your students. Give some focused attention to a teen and get to know them. Be willing to share your story with them too. When you hear them out you might find that you have a captive audience to be able to share more about your life. Most teens want to get to know you as much as you want to get to know them.

Leave your suggestions for other ways to improve your relational ministry in the comments. If you are new here to the blog, welcome. Feel free to subscribe [here].”

terrace crawford pic for blogAbout Terrace: Terrace Crawford, a popular speaker and writer, is a channel editor here at ChurchLeaders.com. Terrace has been a mentor to students and youth workers for more than 15 years and connects with people everyday through his blog, http://www.terracecrawford.com and through twitter (@terracecrawford). He lives outside of Virginia Beach, VA.

03.22.12
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7 Ways to connect with your small group students

Do you ever feel like you are not connecting with your small group students? Sometimes, I can hang with some students, and suddenly feel so disconnected to them, and feel that our relationship is not healthy or strong. How can we build stronger relationships and connect more deeply with the students in our small groups?

  1. Visit them at their house- This seems old-fashioned, but it works. It not only allows you to get into their comfort zone, but you get the opportunity to connect and get to know their parents. If you are a small group leader, and do not even know where your students live, that is not a good thing. Visit them about once every month at their home.
  2. Text them weekly- You should text them during the week to encourage them. Let them know that you were thinking of them and praying for them.
  3. Attend events that they are involved in- If they are involved in drama, attend their dramas. If they are involved in sports, attend their sporting events. This shows that you care.
  4. Invite them over to your house- If you get into their comfort zone, allow them to get into yours. Invite your small group over for pizza and to watch something on television. It gets them talking.
  5. Eat lunch with your students- Now, many schools have outlawed this, but some still allow it. If your school allows it, take advantage of it.
  6. Start a facebook group for your small group only- Post to this regularly with weekly prayer requests and thoughts. Also, post discussion questions for them to answer.
  7. Take them out for pizza and an activity- Take your entire group to the movies if you find a good and fitting movie. You could take them to ride go karts or just to hang at the mall.

These are just a few of the many ways that you can better connect with your small group students. I encourage you to be creative and show your group that you care. If you have something that you have done with your group at some point in time, and would like to share, please feel free to comment below:

03.18.12
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Video on the Importance of Purity

Here is a video that our student ministry produced on purity recently, and I have not shared it on the blog. It is a great video that could be used for your ministry on the importance of staying pure until marriage. Check it out, and feel free to download it and use it for your ministry:

03.16.12
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Freebie Friday- Student Ministry Lesson on Sex/Dating W/ PowerPoint

This week, I want to provide you with a lesson on sex and dating. This can be used with students, and I have taught this lesson before. Hope this helps you to communicate the truth of Scripture to your students.

Download the powerpoint here: True Love Waits

I Corinthians 6:9-18; I Thessalonians 4:3-8

Introduction: This evening, I want you to be honest with you and with God about the idea of sex and dating. The thought that I would like for you to get a hold of tonight is, “True Love Waits.” I want to answer a few questions that you may have about dating and about sex. I also want to leave you with some principles that can help you avoid falling into sexual sin. By age 20, 81% of unmarried males have had sex. Some statements to begin with:

  • The primary purpose of dating is to prepare yourself and discover who your future spouse is.
  • It is a natural desire to be attracted to the opposite sex!
  • God created sex. Sex is a good thing if it in the realm of what God created it for.
  • God created sex for the marriage relationship of one man and one woman.

Quote: Andy Stanley said, “When you participate in sex outside of marriage, you forfeit the opportunity to become uniquely one physically with their future husband or wife.”

If I told you that you could have $1 now and $1,000,000 10 years from now, which one would you choose? All of us would wait for the 1,000,000 if we were honest. That just makes sense. Well, it is similar to your future spouse. What if I was to tell you that you could have sex now, but wait for the perfect time in the realm of God’s Will later. All of us would probably say, we would wait, but why does so many students fall into sexual sin? They choose to take what is supposed to come later right now, and they cannot patiently wait for God’s perfect timing.

What does the Bible say? I Corinthians 6:9-18

Here in this passage, the Apostle Paul writes to two churches where this was an issue. The church at Corinth and the church at Thessalonica. The word, fornication mentioned here simply means any illegitimate sex act outside of marriage. It comes from the Greek word, pornea, where we get the word, pornography. So, the Apostle Paul is stating through the inspiration of the Holy Spirit that fornication is wrong, and against the will of God for your life! It is sin.

How Far is too Far?

Live with this principle: “How far would I want my future spouse to go with the guy she was with right before she met me?” Josh McDowell said, “This is the standard that I adopted  before I married: I will treat a woman on a date the same way I want some other man to treat the woman I will someday marry.”

  1. The further you go, the faster you go
  2. The further you go, the further you want to go.
  3. The further you go, the harder it is for you to go back

What about Culture?

Here are some thoughts on what culture is telling our generation:

  1. We are planning on getting married
  2. Everybody is having sex
  3. Sex is a natural part of a loving relationship
  4. “We love each other!”
  5. Sex is part of growing up

Culture drills into society that sex is one of the things that makes boys become men, and this is far from the truth! It actually makes more of a man to wait than it does not go ahead and have sex before marriage.

Fire is awesome in the fireplace but fire is not awesome on the carpet. It has the potential to burn down the entire house. Sex is like fire. It is good in the rounds of marriage, but it has the potential to burn your relationships or your future marriage if it goes outside the realm of marriage.

So, how can I protect myself?

        I.            A strong relationship with God is the best Spiritual protection

Make sure God is first in your life and make a commitment to keep Him there. The moment you mess up sexually, God has been removed from the throne of your life.

If you’re dating relationship lessons your walk with God, you should get out of the relationship until you have your relationship with God where it needs to be.

Learn to find your contentment in just you and God!

      II.            Learn how to honor and respect the women God has already placed in your life

How you treat your mom is the way you will treat your future spouse!

You can learn how to be a good husband by learning how to be a good son or brother!

    III.            Don’t put yourself in a position to be tempted

Don’t find yourself alone in the house with the opposite sex

It opens you up to temptation, and the flesh to take over.

54% of teens that messed up sexually messed up at their house or their partner’s.

   IV.            Be cautious with the computer or television screen

     V.            Set very high standards in dating

All of you need to have some standards in dating. If you do not, you are not ready to date.

One student who messed up sexually said, “set your standards of what you would or would not do on a date and stick by them!”

“You must determine where you want to end before you begin!”
Have a list of standards first.

Where you set your standard will dictate your next temptation. For instance, if I set the standard as just kissing, and no further, I have already set the temptation of what is next. That is why we need to set high standards!

I encourage you to “set aside the physical and focus in on building a relationship!”

   VI.            Be accountable

Write down your standards and give them to an accountability partner who will help you keep your standards!

What if I have already messed up?

I John 1:9: This verse keeps me going. I can go to Jesus knowing that He will forgive me every time for my wrongdoing. He can forgive you right now, but allow His power in you to strengthen you not to make the same mistake again!

God’s grace and forgiveness is available to you right now!

Download the powerpoint presentation: True Love Waits

02.08.12
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Freebie: Valentine’s Bible Study Lesson

My friends at youthministry360 are giving away a FREE Valentine’s lesson for your students and ministry. It is a solid lesson taken from the story of Ruth and Boaz. It is great to use at youth group for a Valentine’s lesson.

It features a Powerpoint slide show and teacher’s material!

Download the lesson HERE!

Here is some other information about the lesson:

“At ym360 we’re committed to equipping you with resources that are Bible-focused, creative, and relevant. (To see our entire line of Bible Study resources, click here.) That’s why we’re excited to be able to give you a FREE Valentine’s Lesson. It’s a simple way for us to serve and equip you and to show you how much we care about you and your students.

Lesson Title>>> AMAZING LOVE: Finding And Living Real Love

Lesson Objective>>> To help students contrast the world’s idea of love with the real examples of love found in the Bible.

Scripture Focus>>> Ruth 1:16-18; 2:8-12; 4:9-15

Overview>>> Students today are bombarded with messages and images of love . . . or at least what the world would like them to believe is love. From billboards and magazine ads to commercials and Internet pop-ups, everyone is trying to appeal to teenagers’ desire to love and be loved. These messages are usually motivated by the desire to sell a product, but they serve to erode and confuse students’ concept of healthy, God-centered love. God’s view of love isn’t about manipulation, as is evidenced through the Bible. The Bible is full of examples of the real, lasting love that flows in and through us when God is at the center of who we are. And the Book of Ruth is an awesome look at what this love looks like. The story of Boaz and Ruth is one of the great love stories of all time, and while it’s important for students to grasp what real, God-centered love looks like, Ruth’s story isn’t just a love story. It has a lot to teach us about God’s character, and even points toward the future when Christ will come and bring His example of perfect, redeeming love for all people.

What’s Included?
Lesson/Teaching Plan, Dynamic PowerPoint Slide show

Size:
Approximately 7 MB

High Speed Download Time:
Approximately 2 minutes”

Download the lesson HERE!

02.02.12
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Should we allow Dating in our student ministry?

This blog post should generate a lot of interest. If you are a student pastor or a leader in a youth group, you probably have been faced with this concept and question in your mind at some point. If you are a student reading this post, you probably have been faced with the frustration of the rules that a youth pastor or leader put on you for dating. I want to post today about “should we allow dating in our student ministry? Here is the reality: you cannot control dating. That is a parent decision. It is not up to you to tell students that they cannot date someone of the opposite sex. That is the parent’s call on those type of decisions. So, the answer to this blog post is fairly simple, you cannot control it, but I want to take this discussion to a different level, how do we approach dating in our youth group? I tend to take a more conservative approach to this than most. I look at teen dating as a waste of time personally. Please do not be offended by that, but the odds are slim to none that a relationship in middle school and high school will continue. Some do, and that is great, but many do not. More often, I see relationships built-in student ministry, and then a result is horrible and ugly break ups that affect the friendships, it causes drama, and in a lot of cases tends to be uncomfortable for other students surrounding these dating issues. I want to share some of our philosophy on how we deal with dating:

  1. Teach the students and their parents that youth group is not a dating activity- It is frustrating when you do a youth group activity, and you have a few couples who cannot bear the thought of leaving the side of their significant other (some are in 8th grade)! This is crazy. I try to teach our students and parents that when they come on a youth group function, it is not an opportunity for them to get some “much-needed” alone time. Teach your students that they will regret one day not enjoying time with some of their friends on youth functions while they were spending every waking minute with their girlfriend/boyfriend. It is a group activity so be a part of the group.
  2. Do not allow physical contact- Now, you may have a different approach, but this is the best approach that we have found. I have found that if you give them an inch, they are going to take another inch. They always will take you further so in this area, I set the standard pretty high on youth functions. I do not allow physical contact. This includes holding hands, kissing, or holding each other inappropriately. We have had some visitors come and do these things, and that is a different issue. You do not need to lose students over this. If there is a visitor, you are going to deal with them much differently than a regular attendee. I am speaking specifically about the regular attenders. Have this rule and communicate it to the students and leaders. Teach them that this is for their protection. Teach them that holding hands in and of itself is not wrong, but that it is the best principle and formality to have on a youth group trip.
  3. Be loving about this- This is where we can go wrong. You must be loving in your approach. Do not come down so hard that you lose the students in this issue. Be patient with them, and work with them if they make a mistake. Students take offense to a rule like this, because they see it as another harsh rule that they are being held under, and it makes them feel like you are trying to be the parent. This is why it is important to explain yourself correctly, and show them a great amount of love.
  4. Always be in a group of 3 or more on youth functions This should eliminate any grouping up by themselves. This also provides a help to them not to be tempted. I always set this rule on trips so that students will be put in the best positions to do what is right.
  5. Do not be afraid to discipline a student if they continue to break this rule- This is where it gets tough, but if they continue to break the rule, there has to be a consequence. By the way, tell the youth group the consequence up front so that they were warned, and cannot come back with, “I did not know.” Discipline is never fun, but it has to be done so that the students will learn the value in obeying authority, and learn the value in consequences for breaking a rule.

I would love your thoughts on this, and if you have found something that works better, please comment to let me know.